First of all, before you begin to cut them out, how do you even identify when thoughts are irrational? Let’s solve that conundrum first, using a common scenario;
You have a job interview.
You are thinking hard about this.
You feel triggered. Uncomfortable emotions are causing stress, which does not feel good! Believe it or not, just because the emotion is uncomfortable and negative, it doesn’t mean it’s irrational. It may even be completely appropriate!
This interview is important - you want the job right? You feel concerned about the fact that you may mess up in the interview. You value the right outcome, so not succeeding would feel bad - and that’s totally understandable. Our intrinsic values mean something to us.
However, inspite of the outcome, you know you’ll survive, move on with your life and attend more interviews at the right time. It wasn’t meant to be and if you don’t get the job, it’s not a reflection on who you are as a person and your abilities, because there are plenty of times when you HAVE succeeded. Oh well! Disappointing but you’lll get to binge watch a True Crime documentary with a bottle of Chardonnay tonight, so life is not too bad.
If you do get the job, great! you’ll still get to binge watch a True Crime documentary with a bottle of Chardonnay tonight. Either way, life hasn't really changed. You also remain a happy and grounded individual. So, these negative emotions of concern and disappointment are normal, healthy and completely rational, because you didn't get what you valued, but you know that's how life is sometimes and you will be fine.
If you are reading the above, thinking in what world does that emotional outcome ever happen? and absolutely don’t identify with this rational way of thinking in that scenario, the likelihood is, you are thinking irrationally. But you already know this. And THIS is creating some really nasty thoughts and panic throughout your body when triggered with said scenario.
So how are you feeling? You feel sick to your stomach thinking about this interview. You're assuming that you’re going to mess up. If you do, then you are going to be in such an awkward position right? It’s going to be awful and you’re going to look so stupid to the interviewer.
Then you’re definitely not going to get the job and that just PROVES you are a stupid failure and you won’t be able to bear it! Cue anxiety. Maybe you shouldn’t even bother going to the interview. That way you don’t have to feel this anxiety anymore and you won’t be a proven failure! But instead remain unhappy and dictated by fear and assumption, rather than fact.
So, you can see the different reactions to the same scenario and you know what you’d prefer to experience right? Well, the good news is that you aren’t doomed to think with your irrational side forever. You can actually change and choose the reaction you would prefer by shutting down those pesky irrational thoughts. It can be done.
Actively practicing these 5 steps can help you manage those irrational thoughts that are provoking that horrible anxiety. So, when the emotion comes over you try this:
Assess: WHAT is it that’s triggering you? Step back, and identify the triggering scenario..
Analyse: Now think about how you feel and why you are feeling it. Own the fact that you are feeling anxious, probably because you are demanding that nothing goes wrong. Now you have a grasp on it and you are in a position to CHANGE this.
Split your thoughts: You know that your anxiety is provoked by the irrational assumption that something will potentially go wrong. Imagine you have a preference about this situation instead. You would prefer for the situation to be perfect, but you know this isn’t possible. You will feel bad if it doesn't go to plan, but not awful. You will live to see another day. This is logical. It is also a fact. So, you have divided the irrational side and the rational side.
Apply: Apply the rational side in full to the situation and notice how the situation becomes less of a big deal.
Accept: Accept that you are prone to anxiety, but you now have some simple tools to manage it and remove the unnessecary terror from the situation. The fact is, you might mess up. And if you do, you are going to continue living your life, as you have done after all the other times you have messed up, in the same way you continue to live after everytime you succeeded. Because we all mess up but equally, we all succeed at things too. Good and bad, it is all part of being a human.
It’s easier said than done. And it takes work to change for the better. If you can give it a go and apply yourself to change, you could be in for a very content life! This is CBT therapy in a nutshell.
If you would like to gain more skills and really get to the bottom of your irrational thoughts, get in touch! We can talk about it.